Car Crash

He grips the steering wheel tight. It’s the only thing he feels he can control.
He’s numb most of the time, or tried to stay busy as not to feel his aching soul.

Life is strange now; he is no longer who he used to be.
He can’t decide if he likes the change or should run back to comfortability.

Like a man who has always dwelled in darkness and finally steps into Light,
Only to find the radiance pains his eyes and seems distorts his sight.

I beg him to stay here and wait for his eyes to begin to adjust,
But to him this Light is agonizing, confusing and therefore unjust.

I implore him to wait and see how the Light will improve his vision,
But the only thing that escapes his lips is that of derision.

He treats me like an oar, pulling me close to his chest only to push me away.
As I become accustom to this rhythm, I kneel to You and begin to pray.

He rarely looks into my eyes. Maybe its because he knows there’s truth there.
Or perhaps, our combined ambiguity is too much for us bear.

His indifference is what beckons him these undeniable harms,
Cloaked with confidence, swagger, and an unyielding charm.

Like an ocean without waves or an artist who refuses paint,
Is he currently, entangled with frustration and sheer restraint.

Alone in his car he dazes off and his grip on the wheel strains
And the crash makes him question the Light, his eyes, and the pain.

He cries out in his mind, and You ask him, “Do you believe?”
His dissatisfaction is evident, but the Light refuses to leave.

Live like Levi

I feel odd lately. Like when you’re spending the night somewhere besides your own house and you wake up and for a split second freak out because you don’t know where you are…. Ya. It’s kinda like that. A lot has happened these last few weeks, and it’s only going to get more intense.

I went to Levi Patrick’s memorial service yesterday. Can you imagine? Captain of the football team, brother to an adoring sister, son to admiring parents, homecoming king, hilarious, beautiful eyes, contagious smile, and an infectious laugh…only 19 years old… gone. I used to call Levi “Shuga.” The nick name started in a accidental way, but it was the perfect nick name for him. He was sweet as Shuga I would say to him. My goodness that boy had become so handsome too. I told my friend Josh, "Levi looked so good Josh, like he had become so attractive. So many girls probably had a crush on that stud."

It has been awhile since someone I knew has died. I can’t explain it. No one can. “It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. It's like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down through the air and there's a sickly moment of dark surprise.” (Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events)

As a myriad of individuals cried as they spoke of this man and their precious memories, there was always a resounding theme to Levi… You see he may be all these things and have all these wonderful titles, but that’s not who Levi is. Those are all things he does.

There was a part in the service where they showed a slide show of all these lovely pictures, and as the music hit its crescendo the screen went black and the word LEVI was the only thing on the screen. Then other words flooded the page. “Brother, son, teammate, beloved friend, role model…” The screen was now completely full of titles and then behind them all in massive letters something was being etched into the background. I couldn’t quite decipher what the massive letters said. Then, all the other titles fell from the screen and all that was left was, “Levi, Lover of Jesus. Man of God.” As those titles fell from the screen so did the tears from my eyes. I couldn’t control them, they just kept coming down, almost like how I cannot control the falling rain.

I may be a bartender, youth leader, friend, sister, volleyball player, daughter, and musician…but what will they say about me when I’m gone? Levi was not remembered most for his titles, but for who he is, he being…a child of God, and how evident that was to everyone around him. Do people at work know the depth of my love for Christ, or is it easier for me just to clock in and clock out and not worry about the fact that most of them are going to hell? At wyldlife and younglife, do those teens truly know not who I am, but whose I am?

At the end of the service, Jeremiah Parks shared the Gospel of Jesus Christ with 1,500 people. A huge chunk of them were Lewis Palmer high school students. He asked them to have the courage of Levi and come to know this God that he knew, this Jesus that he loved. Over 100 people got saved yesterday. Levi’s 19 years just changed other’s eternity. What am I doing with my life now that will reverberate, impact, and impress upon other’s eternity? Not a lot. I want to drip with Jesus. I want others to be saturated by Christ when their around me.

God, I need Your help. I suck at this, but You are mighty to save and that is the Gospel. I fall short, You come through. Thank you for Levi and the catalyst he has been. Help me to be more like Levi because Levi was like You.

Zephaniah 3:17
"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."